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Wax Thy Neighbor
By Denise Kasofsky
It’s something I used to take for granted. In just a few minutes I could heat up my pasta, make popcorn and even take care of my beauty needs. I didn’t realize what life would be like without one until I
separated from my then husband and started living alone.
There were certain necessities I gave into, but a microwave didn’t seem to rank high on my list of priorities. I thought I could live without one; the whole microwave radiation thing always freaked me out
anyway. But alas there was one function the microwave and no other appliance could do……….heat up my microwave only lip-wax.
Women go through many trials and sometimes (most times) torture, to look manicured and well groomed. I am one of those women. Waxing body parts is essential in keeping with the hairless and smooth skin
trend. It can get really expensive getting it done professionally, seeing how fast hair grows every couple weeks. So I buy it over the counter and inflict physical pain upon myself in the privacy of my
own home. It used to be easy, I’d just pop my wax in the microwave for a minute or so and then voila…I was ready to rip. But now on my own and without the means to purchase a radiation beauty
aid, I was forced into survival mode.
The wax is inexpensive, only four dollars for a small jar of this microwave only product. But it may as well have been $50, because it was just sitting there on my bathroom counter, hard and unwavering in
its inability to remove the wax from my upper lip. I am not one to give up when I really want something, so I subscribed to the old “Love thy neighbor” policy and hoped they would love me enough to
utilize their microwave. So I went next door and found that my neighbor was more then generous with her appliance. I guess one look at the caterpillar on my lip propelled her to want to shield society
from having to look at what could be some sort of hairy female mutant.
I accepted her invitation; micro waved for a minute or so and scurried back to my apartment to crucify myself in the name of beauty. I now wouldn’t have to worry about wax or a microwave for another two
weeks and by then I hoped to be able to afford a microwave of my own.
Time flew as my hair grew and before I knew it, it was time to eradicate the hair from my lip once more. I figured I would just knock on my neighbors’ door and impose my jar of wax on her microwave but
she was nowhere to be found. I was desperate and could not wait. I was going out on a date later and lets face it, no one wants to kiss a hairy-lipped girl. I thought about soliciting other neighbors,
but I didn’t want to get a bad microwave rap around the apartment complex. I had to get creative. So I bundle up my little jar in a paper towel and drove around a shopping center in search of the perfect
place to heat my wax.
It didn’t take me long to find it, it was as if it was waiting for me just sitting there with no customers, a little bagel bakery…. with a microwave. I peered through the window surveying my target I was
ready to attack. I walked in, bundle in hand and asked
my absurd question with a sly smirk ( there was no way I could have done it straight faced). “I know this may seem strange, but would you mind heating this up for me?” She looked at me puzzled, probably
wondering what I was cradling in my hand. “I really would appreciate it,” I added. Then with serious hesitation, she took my precious hair remover into her possession and placed it into the microwave.
She turned the microwave on and I found it curious how she and another employee sat there mesmerized by the container going round and round. It was as if they were waiting for an egg to hatch.
They even ignored a hungry bagel bound customer that had come in, all to not take their eyes off the mysterious jar in the microwave. I finally blurted out, “It’s wax”!! I feared they might call the cops
thinking it was some sort of terrorist attempt to blow up the local bagel bakery. After the grueling two minutes went by, she removed my beauty aid as I gave her a couple bucks for her trouble. Even as I
walked out with a sincere “Thank You,” they still looked perplexed, as if they had just exited a hypnotic state, no doubt an effect from the microwave rays.
I left the bakery holding my precious jar with a delicate hand; I surely didn’t want to spill the burning wax negating my efforts. I drove home with caution, avoiding any bumps or unnecessary turns.
I finally reached my apartment and rushed my jar of wax to the bathroom as if it were an organ ready for transplant. Once in my laboratory of beauty, I applied the wax and said goodbye to the misplaced
pubic like hairs on my face. Although the skin was temporarily red from the initial shock of having molten liquid poured on and then violently ripped off, it later relinquished itself to the fair smooth
skin it had been only a couple weeks earlier.
I know a microwave purchase is in my future, but how will I test the humanity of others? People helping people are what life is all about. So if you ever hear a knock on your door and find a woman
with a jar of wax, please lend her a hand. The beauty of the world depends on it.
Denise Kasofsky is a long time desert resident with almost 30 years of dedicated desert living behind her--since being uprooted from a content existence in Orange County to open a restaurant
in Palm Desert back in 1979.
She fell in love with the bittersweet beauty of the desert and now lives happily in Palm Desert with her soon to be husband David, where she makes boutique greeting cards and T-shirts under the name of Suck Ass Greetings.
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